This is a sort of follow up to "Waiting for a label". We moved quickly though the tests and had our big meeting. Everybody has been wonderful but I couldn't help feeling a sense of dread that we had cranked up some sort of huge machine which for good or ill would "Process" Isaac.
He doesn't exactly fit any box that has been suggested...he isn't autistic. They don't think he is Aspergers either because of some interesting subtlety in his communication style and ultimately he can relate to others better than a standard AS kid. . While he has a huge vocabulary he isn't "the little professor" of an Aspergers diagnosis. He simply uses the words meaningfully in context and moves on. It isn't important to him to use big words, he just often does. As a thousand other Cribsheets have mentioned, he has motor skill issues from his prematurity and has a whole constellation of Sensory Integration problems. He is also a little OCD and full of quirky little patterns that have to be followed. Lots of little kids are rather weird but Isaac DOES stand out. He also has a temper without any normal metering control and serious difficulty calming himself from any frustration. He has trouble following instructions or doing anything any way but his own.
In short he is a lot like me.
More and more as we have gone through this process I have alarming moments of realization that ... well...basically...I do almost every weird freaking thing he does. I don't much want to advertise this but I am a ticky, anxious, easily frustrated, grumpy and melancholy person. I am oversensitive to many stimuli, a bit of a rigid pattern follower, I even do some of the strange sub vocalizing things Isaac does. S*I*G*H. I had a horrible time in school, bored out of my mind, clock watching, dreaming and just kept a low enough profile to slide through. I had to do things my own way to the point of adopting a peaceful "civil disobedience" approach with my teachers.
"Are you going to take this test today?"
"No thanks, I'm going to read this novel."
Funny ideas and interesting thoughts are almost constantly sparking from inside me but I believe the price I pay for this ride is the angry, oversensitive, restless and convoluted brain I have to use for navigating this life. And Isaac has at least some of this same predicament.
I need to learn how to help Isaac learn to use what he has well but I only know a little about using my own quirks well. Mostly I cope with them or work around them. Simply correcting them sounds impossible.
From his Mom's side I believe he gets his catastrophizing. I don't do that and I don't remember my folks doing it either. When he's upset he also does this thing that I believe is called "Splitting". Splitting is when you get mad and go completely into black and white mode. You can't remember anything good about someone whose behavior in your eyes is Bad. He assumes the worst intentions from others and never lets a potential offense pass without comment. "You're the WORST Daddy EVER!!!"
These traits are such a recipe for misery and loneliness that it breaks my heart and I feel like I need to help him steer away from disaster. It's a disaster that might come at 10, 20, 30 or 40 but he is no less steering for it and it's no less real for being far away. In fact if my life is any example it can happen at all of those ages...
Hope
A unexpected ray of light shone in from seeing his pediatrician who mentioned that we should get him checked for low iron. We expected nothing but it turned out he WAS!
From what I can gather, an iron deficit can make kids grumpy, impulsive, hard to soothe. He's getting Iron supplements now to bring him back up to where he needs to be. I also learned that Omega 3s and B complex vitamins with minerals have a very positive impact on mood. So we're on it. He's getting these every day and damned if doesn't seem to be making a difference. He sputters angrily in his way but then seems to cool his jets quicker he seems to be less opposed to things just on general principles. I am encouraged.
He has had to leave his sweet little school because they just couldn't manage all of his needs along with 27 other kids. The good news is we have gotten him enrolled in a wonderful school with a real support for special needs kids and to our amazement he really likes it...
Thanks for listening,
Hugh
PS
Two nights ago we finished reading our bed time story and he hopped out of bed to go potty. From the bathroom he yelled:
"Hey, can we read another one?"
I said "No you have to go to bed."
He put on his righteous outrage face and sputtered: "I hate you!"
I kissed him on the head and said "Well I love you Isaac."
I walked out of the bathroom and he was quiet - then he said:
"I feel like I want to argue with you about that but I'm not sure how."
