Isaac's Mom wants to move back to Colorado to be near her family.
Her father doing well now but facing a scary prognosis and she wants to be near him and enjoy life with her family while life is good. I don't blame her in the least for that desire. However, I have now been served court papers in pursuit of this end and I am staring down the long barrel of deadlines and court dates and judges and most importantly, the possible loss of my son. So the end of the gentle times is here. We are two people fighting for our lives, as we see it. I feel a panic that wakes me at 3 or 4 in the morning and won't let me go back to sleep. A steady internal drip of adrenaline throughout the day gives me that feeling that my heart is exposed and an icy wind is blowing into it.
If I lose I am faced with either the loss of my son (which is not survivable) or the loss of my city and my home and my job and every friend I have (which feels pretty close to not survivable). Because I am a man with pretty much only friends for family now. My life may not be much by anyone else's standards but it's the only one I have and I feel I must defend it. If she loses, she loses the extended family connection and home she wants so badly and her heart breaks for the lost connection and contact.
I think we both feel that Isaac needs both parents, but I feel she should stay, and she feels I should go. For context, picture Isaac rocking from side to side alone among the other split family children in the special section in the back of the airplane, from here to Denver and back again and back again and back again and back again through ages 3 and 4 and 5 and 6 and on and on. Lovely.
Somehow we are trying to conduct this misery without Isaac catching on to what is in the balance.
I wish we could salvage a win-win-win story from this and I think we are both longing for a good solution but dear God, where is it? What can it be?
I have heard that melodrama is good vs. evil and that tragedy is good vs good.
So long for a while.
Hugh
PS -Boy is running and climbing like a mad thing - and making up songs - and making up more words with definitions - and being ever so naughty - and getting taller - and sweeter and more beautiful all the time - sounding out words - he is undaunted by any parental disaproval - it is quite terrifying - though I sort of admire his guts - he is apt to laugh at us when we scold - yikes!
